A continuation of last Monday's post.
To summarize: Mo meets boy (Clark), Mo talks with boy, Mo is smitten but hesitant because of boy's use of the word curvy, boy assures Mo it's a euphemism, Mo sends more pictures of Mo to boy, boy rejects Mo.
Mo was heartbroken.
And Mo really needs to stop referring to herself in the third person.
So yeah, anyways…. As weird as it sounds, I was heartbroken by a man I had never actually met before. Within five minutes, I deleted all evidence of our text messaging, tore down my dating profile and sat at my desk trying not to cry.
The last time I cried at work was in 2004 when I was going through my divorce. I'm loathe to admit it, but my eight year streak came to an end on April 10th when I went into the bathroom and cried. Over Clark. A guy I've never even met in person.
What on earth is wrong with me?
Lovely Lisa was the first person I told. I lamented for a few minutes and then confessed I felt like I was going through a break up. "How long did you guys talk?" Lisa asked.
"Over eight hours," I confessed.
"Well, yeah. No wonder you feel like you went through a break up. You guys talked enough for like the equivalent of about three dates," Lisa sympathized.
She's a good friend.
I left work early that day. Not because of what was going on with Clark but because my parents were getting remarried and I was standing in as a witness (um, yeah. Did I mention Jim and Sue got remarried? I'll explain some other time).
Jen got the phone call while I was driving back to the 'burbs. She tried to assure me it was him and not me. Kudos for trying, but I wasn't anywhere near convinced.
I went home for a little while, ate a cupcake, went to the courthouse where I witnessed my parents 3rd marriage (I will really have to blog about that soon), and then, because I felt like the least lovable person since Adolf Hitler, I skipped my parents' third wedding reception (really going to have to tell that story soon) and went home.
My parents love and respect each other enough to get married three times (but only one divorce), and I can't even find a guy who is willing to at least meet me in person after five days of consecutive texting and talking. Plus my sister and her boyfriend were there and yeah, I felt really alone, unlovable, etc. Much like Bridget Jones (see YouTube Clip here).
The thing is, as much as everyone (yourselves included) wants to call Clark a douchebag, I never even remotely got that impression. And this is me we're talking about. The Queen of Dating the Douchebag (just call me QDD). I mean, I went out with Art, the guy who wouldn't shower before our date after he went to the gym. Anthony, a guy who never called me by my name and that I was better at analyzing than dating (no, seriously. At one point Anthony said he should just talk to me rather than try and get an appointment with his shrink). Mike, who stood me up and never called me again. And of course, there's always ReTodded (a favorite with my male readers, which just makes me laugh and laugh).
Can we really call Clark a douchebag because he doesn't want to date a girl my size? I mean, I'm a lot of woman to take on psychologically no matter which way you slice and dice it. Now add into it my physical size and yeah, I'm a big woman. There's mo' to Mo, you know? I am A LOT of responsibility. 😉
All personal feelings aside though, I will say this: I learned a lot from him. And no, I mean that in a good way.
Clark made me think about what I want in a man. It's something I've been turning over in my mind a lot these past few months (Jen, loathe to admit but I still haven't finished my list) and in talking with Clark, I realized there are things he talked about doing or opinions that he had that made me re-evaluate the kind of man I want to be with.
Clark is very well traveled and yet has never been to Paris. "So I've had a couple of buddies who suggested we go over the years but why would I want to go to the city of love with a guy? And yeah, there were a couple of women who expressed interest in going but none of them were the ones I really wanted to go with." Um, hello? Am I the only one who swoons a little reading that?
We also got into the infamous need vs. want debate. Now if you recall from one of my early blog posts, I'm big on wanting a man, not needing a man. But Clark said he needed a woman, and once he enlightened me, I understood what he meant. Clark explained that in his opinion, being in a relationship is a basic human need. That people need to share their lives with others, no matter how trivial the reason. That we need physical contact with others to be at our full capacity as human beings.
He was actually much more eloquent about it, but it makes sense right?
Does any of this explain why I'm hesitant to not label Clark as a douchebag? Admittedly, it's been almost a full month. You'd think I'd be over it. And there's a part of me that is.
But I'm not completely over it. I'm not sure if it's Clark himself that I miss or what he represents. A man who realizes what it takes to be classified as a man, and makes no apologies for it. Someone who knows what he wants. A romantic.
As the old saying goes, if it's meant to be it will happen. And in the meantime Jen, I'm going to finish that list.