… will find nice sensible boyfriend and stop forming romantic attachments to any of the following: alcoholics, workaholics, sexaholics, commitment-phobics, peeping toms, megalomaniacs, emotional fuckwits, or perverts…. " ~ Bridget Jones
This is the promised conclusion to my posts about ReTodded.
Friday morning of Thanksgiving weekend I was stretched out lazily in bed flicking through my email via my telephone when a message stopped me dead in my…. scroll. It was from ReTodded. In my idiocy, I have since deleted the message but essentially it asked if I was available that night.
About six hours later I decided that yes, I was available.
Didn't I just claim to be an idiot?
He came, we came, he left, I didn't hear from him for awhile until December 23rd. I had posted on my YIM (yes, yes, I know no one uses YIM anymore but some people do and I'm one of them) about my mistletoe purchase. Why I would purchase mistletoe after the Sasquatch disaster I have no idea but call me optimistic. It was for a party I was attending. Anyways, I think I had said something to the effect of, "Look out, boys! Mo's got mistletoe!" Or something equally cheesey.
ReTodded responded. I responded to ReTodded. We met at my apartment later that night. And then we met a few more times between Christmas and New Years.
I'm just going to defend myself by saying not everything about the guy was bad. In fact, there were some very good things about him, okay?
Emotional issues however are not his strong suit.
Two weeks ago, something happened with a very close friend of mine that caused me to recall the darkest hours of my life. Unfortunately, ReTodded chose that night to text me and while I didn't get into the long version, I did tell him what I had gone through. At one point, our conversation read like this:
810: Wow now thats personal trauma if you have the date from six years ago.
Me: Yeah, one has a tendency to remember the day they attempted suicide.
810: Yeah. It's like a vasectomy.
Yes, you read that correctly. Somehow ReTodded correlates vasectomy with depression and suicide. I was still fit to be tied the next morning when I went to work.
Sassie Booties could tell and asked me about it.
So I asked her: "Sassie, on what planet do you correlate a vasectomy with depression and suicide?"
Sassie Booties and Water Buffalo (we all share an office) stared at me. "You're kidding, right?" Sassie responded.
"NO!"
"Mo, who are we talking about here?" Sassie asked.
"ReTodded."
"Figures," Water Buffalo muttered.
"Mo, seriously…. Have you read your blog post on ReTodded?" Sassie asked.
"Yes," I said sheepishly.
"And this behavior surprises you why?" she continued.
"It doesn't."
Later that afternoon Sassie Booties and I were alone in the office when she suddenly looked at me and said, "Mo, if you had a friend in your position with ReTodded what would you tell her?"
Great question, Sassie. But I told Sassie this very thing. I said, "I'd ask her if the sex is good. And then I'd say, 'Well then, if the sex is good, and you're still trying to figure out what you want, who cares?"
So now you know why I kept ReTodded around. Until….
The other morning, the shinola was hitting the fan at work. Everyone was running and ducking for cover to avoid being hit and in the midst of all this, ReTodded hit me up on YIM.
ReTodd: Hey sexy, how's it going? Your morning off to a good start?
Mo: Um, no, actually it's not. It's going downhill pretty fast.
ReTodd: Awwww, that's too bad. You just need some wicked sex to make it all better.
Mo: Sex isn't always the answer, you know that right?
ReTodd: Yeah, but it's still a great answer.
I was seething. There's more to this conversation of course, but these are the highlights. After a few minutes, Sassie Booties, who had no idea what was going on at my fingertips, attempted conversation.
"Sassy, stop. Hold on!" I demanded.
"Why? What's going on?" Concern was evident in her tone.
"I'm breaking up with ReTodded."
"When?" Excitement erased the concern.
"Now."
"Now?"
"Now."
"Okay."
So I texted ReTodded and said while I was in a foul mood, I was going to put him in one too. Mind you, I didn't intentionally set out to do this, but the chips fell where they did.
I said that I liked him but had concerns. Like that mainly all we ever did was sleep together. I also mentioned I had been thinking about something he'd said on our first date.
*cue ironic/dramatic music here*
And by the way, this is totally true.
On our first date, ReTodded had mentioned what he liked most about marriage. It went something like this:
One of the greatest things about marriage is that no matter what's going on or where you are, there's someone out there acting in your best interest. Whether they're at the grocery store buying food to nourish you, or paying bills to shelter you, or just thinking about you, you always have someone in your corner who wants the best for you.
Like I said, not everything about him was bad.
ReTodded responded somewhere along the lines of, "Well, my work schedule isn't flexible right now and I don't see it changing any time soon."
I explained it had nothing to do with his work schedule, I just was tired of being a sex object (who'd have thought someone would view me as a sex object?) and if things were heading in a more serious direction, I'd like to do something other than sleep together.
How odd. I haven't heard from him since.
P.S.- In case you missed the news on Facebook, I found out on Saturday that Preston is seeing someone now. Into everyone's life rain must fall I guess.
P.P.S. – On the other hand, Marshall called the other night to cheer me up.
Who knows?
Your blog posts are usually good for a laugh (well most of them). Keep it up, you are a great writer Monique and love to see that you are sharing your craziness with the rest of us.