… and the rest don't know how to screw you!" ~ Samantha Jones, Sex and the City
The other day Sassy Booties and I were alone in the front office, Water Buffalo off on a vacation day or some such nonsense.
Wait, I should probably back this up a notch.
A week or two ago, I joined Jen and Jeff for dinner at their place. Kind guest that I am, I brought a bottle of Chateau Chantal's Naughty Red Wine with me. Considerate host that Jen is, she purchased a bottle of Grand Traverse's Select Harvest Reisling. She drank mine, I drank hers, and Jeff drank beer. Needless to say, I was a bit tipsy and feeling a little randy shall we say? and so I decided to see if Preston was still up for some adult fun, even though it had been almost a month since he had hit me up for a fling.
Well, that night didn't work for him, but he was golfing in my neighborhood the next night and would I want to meet up then? I decided I did.
So this post is also something of a catch up post if you haven't noticed.
The next night, a Monday, while I was waiting for Preston to make his appearance, I was texting with Sassy Booties about The Godfather and Robert DeNiro's method acting and Al Pacino and it was just a normal night of texting for us, but should someone else read our texts they would be shaking their heads thinking, "WTH?". My "You've Got Company" alert went off and I texted Sassy, "Preston is here. I'll talk to you in the morning."
"Whaaattt? You better tell me in the morning!" she texted back.
Side note: things with Preston would have went well if he hadn't mentioned the fact he's still dating the other girl in the middle of our fun. Which came as a surprise to me, though given my track record, it really shouldn't.
I just keep hoping that one of these days, I'll meet a guy who ACTS HIS F*ING AGE! But really, two seconds past that thought and it occurs to me that guys who do act their age are the ones already in committed relationships.
Except for Clark. But he's looking. Or was looking. Whatever.
Digressing as usual.
So the next day Sassy Booties and I were, as previously stated, in the front office together when she asked me the age old question: How do you define dating vs. when you're girlfriend and boyfriend?
So here's an excerpt from what Sassy Booties and I were Google chatting about, along with some other things I've since added just to clarify my points.
Mo: Okay, so Catholic Boy and Preston are dating the other girls. They are the girls who would be invited to attend weddings, parties, go to the movies with, etc. with Catholic Boy and Preston. Whereas I'm apparently the fuck buddy for both.
Mo: Now… that being said….
Mo: Dating I think just means you've been on more than 3 dates and like each other enough to keep seeing one another in a social capacity and then perhaps move into intimate territory.
Mo (again): Now, because I AM apparently (?) in the picture…. Neither Catholic Boy or Preston are truly dating these other girls (though technically I guess I'm the other girl) exclusively for the simple fact that I'm in the picture and so neither girl fits under "girlfriend" status in my opinion because again, it's not an exclusive relationship if your guy is off screwing some other girl (both literally and figuratively).
Mo (still talking): As a woman (or perhaps gay man), you get the title of Boyfriend or Girlfriend when you're introduced as boyfriend or girlfriend because it's always different with women as compared to men because unmarried men are idiots.
Insert Karma note here: Dear Mo: based on your definition above, you were not truly Dipshit's wife either as he was off screwing other men and women while with you. Love, Karma.
Dear Karma: You're a bitch. Albeit one with a great sense of humor. Keep up the good work (even if it means I get what I deserve). Love, Mo.
Can I just again mention I unwillingly became the "other woman" in Preston's relationship?
That being said….
I unwittingly made one massive ass mistake in the Preston foray.
Having (relatively or post-Preston) recently read He's Just Not That Into You, I admire author Greg Behrendt for stating the truth. When a man tells you at the beginning of the relationship that he's not looking for a relationship, BELIEVE HIM! Preston stated in his dating profile he was not looking for a relationship. And I, Mo With Super Powers, thought I could be the one to change his mind.
I *cough cough* quite obviously didn't.
Which explains why Preston thought he could hit me up for a one-nighter.
On the other hand, my profile quite obviously stated I was not looking to get involved with someone who was married, had a significant other, or was otherwise attached. Perhaps because that was in August and this is now April/May Preston thought my feelings may have changed. Yet you'd think because he knew Dipshit was a cheater, he'd realize those are pretty ironclad rules I have.
Except for Catholic Boy because he's my kryptonite.
Karma: Hi Mo!
Mo: Go. Away.
Don't judge. My bad decisions are part of the reason you love my blog.
So invariably I have learned yet another life lesson from yet another dating and relating fiasco. Always ask if the guy is involved with someone else before you get yourself involved.
Even if he hit you up first.